Let me be honest with you. I don’t know either.

And I’m not just trying to sound smart. I seriously have no idea who I am, or who I want to be. When I was a kid, I wanted to become an “inventor”. An inventor of what, god knows. Then I wanted to become a software engineer and thought that was my calling. Until I realized life is such a bizarre thing, that codes and computers are just a worthless part of it. Then I wanted to study all the things in college. Philosophy, economics, chemical engineering, English literature, sociology, and god knows what. But I ended up doing computer science. And I don’t quite regret it either, because it meant I could easily move to Montreal after I graduated.

While in college, I fell in with a drug and music-obsessed crowd, which changed me a lot and showed me new things about life. Then I worked a full time software engineering job for a couple of years and realized that that shit is not for me. Now I’m doing research in computer security, in the opposite side of the world, still baffled at the first world calmness. So you tell me. Who the fuck am I?

But. I do know that there are things about me that have been the same since my earliest memories. I can’t pinpoint what they are, but hey, I’m sure you can’t either. So don’t judge me, asshole. Maybe that’s what the blog is all about. Who the fuck knows.

My hope with this blog is that it’ll help me manage this ambiguity a bit better. I don’t mind ambiguity. I love it. It’s healthy. No one knows shit and they are usually little jerks with a tribal mindset if they act like they do. So I don’t mind the ambiguity. However, I do think writing will help direct it to more positive places. At least, that is my hope.