Recently I accepted a full-time position for a job I had already been working part-time. When they asked me if I wanted the morning 8-4 hours or the evening 1-9, I asked for the latter. Why? I’m not sure.
My first reasoning was that I’ve never been able to wake up that early since I finished high school. But then I thought, well then I was able to do it for 12 years of schooling. So why does it feel like torture now?
And I think I had my answer in the question. During the 12 years of schooling, I was at home, and life was terrible, so I often stayed up late when everyone was asleep to have hours and hours of alone time, the only time that was for me. That was the only way I could be a little bit happy. In my own world of imagination. I needed that, even at the cost of sleep.
Now, that time has passed. I live alone, and no matter what time I wake up, I’ll be alone. But still, nights are my time. The time when my pain is mine. When no one is jogging in the park, no one is chatting cheerfully in the cafes. Because no sane person stays up so late. So it’s for the insane.
Or maybe it’s just that we all have different natural waking hours. But that’s a boring explanation.